It’s hard to tell people just how much deep your love and care for them is. telling them that, is giving them the opportunity to use you, break you, tear you apart, hurt you, play you, disappoint you, make you feel like a plankton surrounded with thousands of killer whales.
Giving them your love is an act of bravery… Yes. But only those who experience being let down after giving their all to someone would think a thousand times first before doing it again.
Getting yourself broken through a relationship with someone does hurt. It is, I’ve been through it too and I know what that feels like. But have you ever felt like giving your all to someone special and then they would just tear it apart? And that someone is the one who’s been there with you since you came out to the world? The one who you love unconditionally, despite the little or big differences/similarities you have with each other. The one who you can’t be mad for a lifetime because an increment of yourself still loves that person. The one you may have/ or have not told first that you love them. That one.
The feeling you get every time they bring you down, use you to get what they want/need, hurt you because of a mistake you made, break you apart with words that they say, without thinking how much it breaks you to hear them, disappoint you for not being there all the time, or not being there when you needed them the most, when they give up on you, when they misunderstood you and make you feel like what you need was a mistake even if it was a good choice in the long run. Make you feel like a small organism in this survival of the fittest world, wanting you to just keep everything to yourself, not being able to step out there and try to survive on your own… Or when they do let you, they let you leave without a phrase of wisdom to help you…
It hurts so much because no matter how big and great your anger is to them, you still can’t be away from them because you “belong” to them. (I don’t even know what the word “belong” means anymore… Is it being part of someone? Or is it owning you like you’re some type of property?)
It hurts because no matter how much you free yourself from them, they’ll always go under the belt and give you shitty sentences like “we gave you life. You owe us.” And damn that when your guilt eats you inside for not doing what they wish.
It hurts because you love them for being them… And they love you just because you’re pretty/handsome, intelligent, a useful person, the one they can ask to do things, because they bring home foods, because you earn tons of money, because you’re famous, because you’re an asset to something, because you can be sold, because once you’re old enough, they will use you to keep them alive and happy.
It hurts because even if everyone in this goddamn world knows that nobody is perfect, they still demand you to be perfect. Nothing you can do, no matter how great you are at something else, or how much you can make them happy by just being you, they will want you to be perfect in everything else.
It hurts so much because at the end of the day, you’re still a disappointment to them even if you did everything right that day except spilling a drop of coffee.
I’m sorry if after reading this, you feel offended or hurt… Because you’re “that one” to this post… But I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I’ve seen how hard it is to be “that one”. I’m just voicing out my thoughts and what some of us really feel when we’re graced with these kind of person to be our “that one”.
This is also a reminder to myself that in the future when I’m going to be a “That one”, I will be a better version of it.
This is also a reminder to myself that in the future when i’m going to be a “that one”, i will be a better version of it.