Little Words of Little Things..

The Writing Challenge Day 11: Something you always think “What if…” about

On my way to half of the writing challenge now.

I may have written somewhere (or not) that I came from a broken family. My Mom and Dad are separated, I live with my Mom together with my sister, My Mom and Step-Father is also living together, and I have a Step-Brother and two Step-Sisters. I am not some kind of goth girl because of what happened, I actually accept the fact that my parents are separated, not even embarrassed of telling people about it.

But the biggest and always “What if” in the back of my mind, everyday for the past few years is… What if my Dad isn’t my Dad?

Cliff notes version of my family is Dad had a messed-up head, Threatened and hurt my Mom, so Mom left him and took us with her, a few years later, Dad reconnected with us and spent a few years seeing him in the summer, taking us to shopping for school supplies to compensate when he’s gone. and gave us money for other things we might need, then we met his second wife, and suddenly everything went down, and now we don’t see each other anymore.

He wasn’t that bad of a Dad, because I never had any fatherly experience with him except for the times we went out to treat us and buy us what we need for school, we left when I was just 9 months old. He’s never been to one of my birthdays, even when we were seeing each other… He just gave me a few more bucks to what he normally gave us as a form of “gift” but attending? nope, nada.

Okay, so I’m skipping story ’cause i’ll go crying in my keyboard is I continue this up.

I’ve always thought about what if I had another Dad instead? would we we be in the situation we are right now? my mom having a hard time keeping me and my older sister in our schools even if we she can’t pretty much pay for the expenses. having only a mother as a parent, people kept asking why my parents are separated.

What if my Mom haven’t met my Dad at all? would she marry her Seaman Ex-boyfriend and we would have him as a Father instead? or we wouldn’t be here and alive at all?

What if my Dad didn’t have that brain problem that made him go all whacko, would he still be a great Engineer and they would still be together and we would never have this life at all?

I have a lot of What Ifs for my Dad, but all ends up in either we will live a much better life or I wouldn’t be alive at all.

So recently, My Aunt told me that we should not have bad feelings for our Dad, and that we should never hate him, because if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be here.

I can’t actually help but have bad feelings for him because he denied me as his daughter when I was little, and favored my sister more than me… but I also understand if he doesn’t want me at all. I have a lot of Dads around me, related by blood or not, by name or not, they were there in some parts or all parts of my life. That’s enough.

This challenge is the one I hated the most just so you know.

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