Because I promised yesterday that I’ll be better…
here we go… Hmm, there are a lot of things that people told me that I never forgot, most of them are of my insecurities (because I think all of us have that in-secured part of ourselves that can never forget the negative things people saw in us.) others are compliments that always makes me see the positive side of myself… and others are just plain punch-to-the-gut that stayed in my mind after all the years.
But I’m assuming that I only need to share one moment. (I am having a hard time choosing.)
Okay, I chose the time that I was talking to a friend of mine about the things we think we like and don’t like to ourselves.
it was a school day, and we were at school (i’m not a bad girl and cut classes, so yep… on a school day, you’ll see me at school) and we have a free-cut that time so a friend of mine and I decided to hang out on the bleachers. It was a typical sunny day, we’re in the Philippines remember? we get 4 seasons here too and these are: scorching hot, sunny, rainy, hurricane.
as we were sitting, i started stroking her long hair. and commented about how I wanted my hair to be like hers. She then retorted with how much she likes my soft hands and how chirpy I always seem to be. We kept commenting positive things about each other that we wished we had instead like how I wish I was as fair-skinned as her, and how I wished I’m tall (’cause I’m just 4’11”) and how she wished she’s as good as me at dancing and not a leftie, or how she liked my perfect eyebrows, not her so abundant ones.
The whole time we were doing this, we’ve been touching each others parts and also explaining how we maintain our “best features”. After a few exchanges, I asked her what are the things she doesn’t like about me.
She started with my teeth. I know my teeth are not worthy for a toothpaste commercial, believe me I do. Imagine a set of teeth where the upper incisors are bulging out of your mouth, and your lower incisors are pushed inside, so far inside, your tongue can never rest comfortably. and then the open mouthed part… I can’t even bite with my incisors ’cause they won’t meet, so I have to use my canines or premolars to bite. Despite the times people commented of me having my teeth braced, I’m just so damn scared of dentists… (i’m working on it now.)
She then told next about my legs. she liked the shape of it– how proportioned it is–, although it’s not long (I mean what do you expect to a 4’11”?! a long pair of legs and a short upper body?!) but the main problem for her are my scars. Not some kind of suicidal scars okay?! just plain old scars from old wounds that I got from scratching it since I was a little girl. I’m hesitant to wear skirts since I was a little girl, because of my scarred legs, although despite the times we went to a Dermatologist to find a way to stop the itching, and the bottles of lotion I spent to keep my legs moisturized, some scars are just there to stay. Some are gone, maybe because it was stretched or the things I put in my legs worked, but some are still here.
So yup. the conversation practically ended with her pointing out the flaws in me. and FYI, We’re still friends. I may be a tad bit hurt for the things she said, but I’m still grateful for it, because she’s been a hundred percent honest to me and was a good friend to point out the flaws in my self. If not for her, then I would still be scratching my legs so much, I’ll have a new set of scars to show off.
I’ve learned to love the flaws in myself. because that’s what made me different, and people who think not having a perfect skin, or a bad set of teeth, or a short height is an ugly person, well then, I’M AN UGLY PERSON.
At least I’m not some kind of girl that all she ever thinks about is her physical perfection. If no one can love me for who I am. then I have to love myself more. And that’s what I started doing.
So whenever someone insults me, I either smile and let it go, or give a sarcastic comment about the persons flaw, and walk away. I mean, what could hurt you more than the time someone close to you spoke all the flaws in yourself?
The insults and obstacles thrown at you like stones… You should use it as stepping stones, to get to the better version you were yesterday. 🙂
Enjoy the little things in life, alright? 🙂
*** Picture from my Pinterest.